Sharing - What You Shouldn’t Say To Your Children Anymore And What To Say Instead

~ Posted on Wednesday, February 10, 2016 at 8:00 AM ~

I came across this article which I must definitely share with you guys as I'm very interested to know your thoughts on this. Do note that sharing this does not mean I agree or disagree with it. For your convenience, I have copied the excerpts from the article here:

Our children listen to us. What we say, and how we say it, plays a huge role in how they view themselves. As parents, we want to do everything we can to help our children have the best possible life experiences. Since our communication influences how our children view themselves, we should be careful with how we say things. Try these suggestions for creating positive interactions with your children and help them develop a healthy self-image.


Instead of saying “You’re driving me crazy!” say “Your actions are frustrating me.”
This separates the person from the action. You love the person; however, you dislike the action. You can clearly communicate to your child that his or her actions are frustrating. Actions can be changed without implying that something is wrong with the person.


Instead of saying “I hope you’re proud of yourself!” say “I am sure you are as disappointed as I am.”
Instead of shaming your child, you can let them know you are disappointed and that you are certain that he or she is disappointed as well. Showing empathy when something doesn’t go well goes a lot farther than shaming someone.


Instead of saying “Shut up!” say “I need you to be quiet.”
When we tell our kids to shut up we are setting an example by telling them it’s okay to tell others to shut up. This is hurtful and rude. Instead, ask your child to simply be quiet. One comment is a demand, while the other sounds more like a request. Most people comply better to a request than a demand.


Instead of saying “Next time do better!” say “I know you realize how important it is to do your best.”
Most likely your child knows when they haven’t done as well as they would have liked. Instead of reprimanding him or her, try to be encouraging. You can validate your child by offering encouragement and believing in them.


Instead of saying “I promise,” say “I will do my best.”
When we make promises to our children, they expect us to follow through on them. When those promises get broken, children tend to remember it even if we had a very good excuse. When we say we will do our best they know we will try very hard to do something, but that not all things are possible.

 

Instead of saying “Let me do it,” say “Would you like some help?”
It’s important that we let our children try and fail. We empower them by letting them work through things themselves. We are available to help, and it’s better for them to ask than for us to take over.

 

Instead of saying “Leave me alone!” say “I need some space.”
Our words can be very cutting. Sometimes we lash out at our children during moments of weakness. Instead of telling our children that they’re a burden, we should tell them that we need something that only we can provide ourselves. This takes the focus off the child and makes them realize that we need something they can respect. They aren’t the problem; we just need to work through something alone.

Instead of saying “Don’t cry,” say “It will be okay.”
It’s okay to cry. It’s a natural reaction we all have at times. Children need to feel validation and comfort when they are upset. We can assure them things will be okay and help them work through it without controlling their actions.

 

Instead of saying “You are so smart,” say “I love how hard you work” or “I admire your ability to understand.”
When we tell our children how smart they are, we put pressure on them to live up to our expectations. They might avoid things that make them not look smart. We need to foster their work ethic and ability to learn without placing undue expectations on them.

 

Instead of saying “Hurry up!” say “Let’s get moving.”
When we tell our kids to hurry up, that’s usually when things start slowing down. When we take the pressure off them and place emphasis on the entire family trying to work toward the same goal, everyone’s motivation improves.


What do you think?


** Note: I have disabled the commenting feature on my blog engine thanks to all the spammers who happily spam my blog every day. If you wish to ask me any questions, you can find me at my Facebook page (I'm there almost everyday) or just drop me an email if you wish to maintain some anonymity.

Sharing - 20 Most Common Parenting Mistakes

~ Posted on Monday, February 8, 2016 at 6:43 AM ~

I came across this article which I must definitely share with you guys as I'm very interested to know your thoughts on this. Do note that sharing this does not mean I agree or disagree with it. For your convenience, I have copied the excerpts from the article here:

Parenting Mistakes

1. Giving Them Too Many Choices
Many parents think children always should have endless choices, when the reality is kids can be overwhelmed if they're always given so many options.

2. Praising Them For Everything They Do
It's very common now to see kids who are almost junkies for praise. They won't do anything unless there is a payoff for them.

3. Trying To Make The Child Happy
Their job is to learn to make themselves happy, and you can never force a child to be happy.

4. Overindulging Them
They will almost always end up believing acquisitions lead to happiness. This sets up chasing the never-satisfying carrots, and can result in addictions and compulsions.

5. Keeping Them Too Busy
Most commonly with sports. Many parents wrongly believe "activities" will keep their kid out of trouble, but often times this will lead to the child being burned out or even becoming a bully.

6. Thinking Smart Will Save Them
It can be tempting for parents to promote smart as the end-all-be-all. Yet this can lead to a child becoming arrogant, thinking everyone else is stupid or secretly believe that they have to put on an act and are a fraud. As a result, nobody likes them.

7. Thinking A Strict Religion Will Give Them Perfect Values And Save Them
The first time they see hypocrisy in their parents or the touted beloved leaders, the house of cards start to fall.

8. Withholding Common Information About Important Topics — Like Sex
Many parents are terrified of talking about sex, and believe avoiding discussing it with their children will save them. But I've seen 13-year-old girls get pregnant, sometimes just to flaunt it at their parents.

9. Being Hyper-Critical Of The Child's Mistakes
It can be easy to assume intense scrutiny promotes success and makes kids better. But kids raised this way are driven to perfection in everything from looks, likability, sports, smarts, or you name it. When a mistake happens, they are worthless as a human being and start getting so angry that in some cases they will resort to self-harm even to the point of suicide.

10. Using Shame, Shunning, Or Threats
Never imply that there is a chance you might not love your child due to their actions, as some parents do so in order to get their kids to achieve compliance. It is a short term gain with abandonment lurking in the shadows. Then the child doesn't care either.

11. Making Kids Do Things Inappropriate For Their Age
I have 3 patients right now who, by age 4, were having to feed themselves and or had to be in charge of a sibling also. I've seen many who didn't have children of their own because as they all said; "I raised my family."

12. Not Limiting Screen Time
Whether it's TV, video, games, phone or texting. I know a family where the mom and teenage son text each other constantly and no one else can get into their relationship link.

13. Not Letting Kids Get Bored
Some parents think children are supposed to be stimulated at all times and it's their job to avoid boredom. Then kids don't learn to be creative and find the way out of boredom in themselves.

14. Protecting Kids From Their Own Consequences And Loss
I see parents with good intentions get their kids everything, from a simple toy to buying them out of legal trouble, and suddenly are surprised when the child respects nothing. All of us need to learn losing is just another way to gain wisdom and experience about what not to do.

15. Not Letting Kids Play Dangerously
The Forest Kindergarten schools have shown the children get sick less, are more well adjusted and also get along better than their regulated indoor peers.

16. Not Debriefing Kids At Bed Time
"What happened today?" Children sleep better and feel loved when the parent shows an interest in what happened that was significant to them in their own lives.

17. Not Reading To Very Young Children
Reading requires the child to be still, be quiet, and use their imagination. All the things videos don't. It prepares them for listening in school and being able to use their imagination for creativity and alternatives as a resource.

18. Pulling Pacifiers Too Soon
Parents know the pacifier is an outward symbol of insecurity, so they tend to take it away as soon as they can, instead of getting the child secure where it would drop-out naturally. I have adult patients who secretly suck their thumbs.

19. Not Regulating Food
And especially inquiring: "Are you full?" When this happens, typically your kid will load the plate again. That is an old survival program from our heritage as scarcity, when food was not available. Kids then chase a full-filled sensation, not understanding each time you fill yourself, your stomach adapts to that as normal and expands.

20. Spanking Children Older Than 5
Parents think it will teach them to be good, but using corporal punishment never works as well as love. I see all kinds of patients where the concept of 'Spare the rod-spoil the child' was anything but. No spoiling, just oppositional, angry, bullying, deceiving, fearful or performing automatons.


What do you think?


** Note: I have disabled the commenting feature on my blog engine thanks to all the spammers who happily spam my blog every day. If you wish to ask me any questions, you can find me at my Facebook page (I'm there almost everyday) or just drop me an email if you wish to maintain some anonymity.

Sharing - Every Parent Needs To See This Baby Photo

~ Posted on Thursday, February 4, 2016 at 7:38 AM ~

I came across this article which I must definitely share with you guys. For your convenience, I have copied the excerpts from the article here:

Scott Walker, a Kansas-based father of two, is sharing a photo of his baby’s foot for a very important reason: to make sure other parents are aware of a dangerous condition, and know what to do in case it happens to their child.

 Scott and his wife, Jessica, welcomed baby Molly into their family back in September. She was born a few weeks early and experienced complications immediately after her birth, but recovered in hospital and is now happy and healthy.But at a recent lunch, Scott and Jessica noticed that Molly had become agitated and ‘very upset’. They tried to calm her down using their usual techniques, but nothing was working. Molly’s parents could see she was overheating, so took off her socks. That’s when they noticed something strange.

A piece of hair had become wrapped around one of Molly’s toes so tightly that it had cut into her skin and caused it to swell.

This condition is called a hair tourniquet, and can cut off a baby’s circulation, causes significant pain, and can even lead to infection and the loss of fingers and toes. The condition can also occur on genitals.

Thankfully for Molly, Jessica caught the problem in time and was able to remove the hair with a magnifying glass and a pair of tweezers. ‘The hair managed to cut all the way through Molly’s skin,’ wrote Scott on Facebook, ‘completely around her toe, but it could have been worse had it gone much longer untreated, or if the hair wasn’t accessible.’

Molly’s parents want to spread the word about the condition and its risks. They encourage parents to always check fingers and toes if their baby is ever entirely inconsolable – and to take them along to the hospital if the hair isn’t easily removed.

 

** Note: I have disabled the commenting feature on my blog engine thanks to all the spammers who happily spam my blog every day. If you wish to ask me any questions, you can find me at my Facebook page (I'm there almost everyday) or just drop me an email if you wish to maintain some anonymity.