Life is 10% What Happens To You and 90% How You Respond To It!

~ Posted on Thursday, August 12, 2010 at 10:00 AM ~

Sometime I think back on the moment I decided "Enough is enough. I am going to quit my job and be a SAHM".

Had I responded and reacted differently, maybe I wouldn't be a SAHM today.

You see, over 1 year ago, I was in the midst of negotiating with my former supervisor on the possibilities of my previous company hiring me as a freelance consultant (they were in the midst of migrating over to a new application system). Lots of hurdles and issues were raised because of this, such as:

* that I am setting precedent to the company if I'm being hired as a freelance staff

* that I will not be committed to my work anymore since I'm quitting my job in order to take care of my baby

* that I will not be able to drop everything at home and rush to office to attend meetings, discussions and so on

* that it is hard for the company to monitor my deliverables as I can work from home if there is no meetings or discussions to attend at office

* that it is risky for the company to allow me to remote login to the company's server to do my work from home

All the above are just some of the excuses mentioned in order to stop the discussions from getting further. I know myseld and my previous supervisor really wanted to make it work (she really needs my expertise in the legacy system and liaising with the users and vendors on the new system) but her manager does not. Maybe because the manager feels threatened that if this freelance idea works, it's like the company is bowing down to my wishes and that I'm being manipulative.

I do not have any other motives other than to still be able to help my previous company (as much as I can), earn a lot less (but still be able to contribute and work) but of course, all this will be within my limits now that I have a new priority in life (that is taking care of Ben!) but somehow, there are people who tends to think bad of this.

There was actually an agreement being drafted out and it's already in the final stage of being agreed by all parties (the company and myself) before we can go official with the freelancing idea. I raised up some clauses in the agreement which was not favorable to me and because of this, my supervisor's manager actually got angrier and more agitated (I think this made the manager more determined to find ways to stop the freelancing idea from being materialised). You see, how can I agree to a freelance contract which stated:

* that I have to disclose the details of other clients I'm working with (that is in the event that I do freelance for other companies). I mean, wouldn't that be a breach of information to my other clients (if any)?

* lots of different tiers of fees calculations for the hours I put into work (if you read the contract it makes you feel sad that a company you have worked with for almost 5 years can be so calculative to you. I didn't even think of this at all as I was already working more than my expected hours when I was a permanent staff but why raised this concern now?)

* that the company is not responsible if I have any accidents, injuries or died at the premise... again, I didn't even think of this at all but since it's being stated out, it made me feel that the company is so cold blooded and not caring towards its employee (be it permanent or freelance)

Anyway, I have actually thought of just disregarding the above and not be so calculative over the details, after all, I worked with the company for almost 5 years and I really enjoyed working there and made lots of good friends but the incident that tip me over to my decision to quit is finding out the manager backstabbed me in front of the CEO. It's really sickening to find out someone could and would go to that distance in order to get rid of you and make the freelance idea not feasible.

The moment I found out about this, I wrote an email to my supervisor and the CEO telling them I'm pulling out from the negotiation and am not going to proceed further with the freelance idea. I did not mention about knowing I've been backstabbed.

Now, I sometimes think had I responded in other ways to this maybe things would work out differently?

What if I mentioned about being backstabbed? Will the CEO takes the matter with the manager and reprimand the manager?  Or what if I decided to confront the manager and demanded an apology?

But I thought, God knows the person I am to the company. God knows how committed I am and how I wanted and tried to make it work. If I have been the sort of person that the manager slanders me of, I wouldn't have work in the company for almost 5 years (long if you are in IT line), my users and vendors wouldn't be so sad to see me quitting and leaving the company for good (or even to date, still asking for my help and advice every now and then).

Maybe you may think the act of me keeping quiet even though I know I've been backstabbed and slandered is coward. But what good does it make if I seek revenge and see that the manager gets punished for slandering me? Read: Romans 12:19 (NIV), 1 Peter 3:16 (NIV)

Had the freelance idea materialised and I continued working freelance in the company, I don't think I will have an easy time there. Obviously that would make the manager more envious (that I get to work freelance) and more determined to get rid of me. So, why stay on and try to pursue something which someone tries so hard to stop it from being materialised? Read: James 3:16 (NIV)

Maybe things happened for a reason. Yes, it is a bad and sad memory for me for that incident to happen. But I guessed, I'm thankful I responded to this situation the way I did. Read: 1 Peter 2:15 (NIV), Romans 12:2 (NIV), 1 Thessalonians 5:18 (NIV)

This post is written as part of this week's Writer's Workshop.

Comments (6) -


I didn't know our situations were pretty similar! I totally sensed I was being driven out as boss hired a manager who was like an assassin, getting rid of us non-butt kissers who have lives and a family outside of work, one at a time. This manager would pick at things I did, twist my words around, and micromanage me. I made it clear to my boss long ago that I hated to be micromanaged from previous experience, so I think she encouraged my manager to do so. AND...after my coworker quit, my boss/manager were overheard laughing triumphantly in their office, and they said "Steph is next". I too wonder if I should have reported them, but it was overheard by someone else, not me. But I just resigned without saying much. I was done defending myself.

Sorry to vent on your blog! Anyways, I wonder if you went to your supervisor to report the backstabbing, would anything have been done about it? Perhaps the other manager giving you a hard time would do what my boss/manager are so good at doing, which is to twist the truth around and make it your fault, plus label you as a whiner. I already cannot believe the things they tried to put in your contract! So I'm really really glad that you took the approach that you did, and I'm glad you are at peace with it too. And now you are at home with Ben! Yay!

Catheryn  @ Pink Bibs

It is so true that everything happens for a reason eventhough most of the times, it is hard for us to accept it.  But in your situation, SAHM minus the freelance job is definitely 101% a right decision. And what is most important is you are glad with where you are now Smile God is G.O.O.D.!

I'm a full-time mummy

Hey Steph!
This manager is OK but I think it's just that she doesn't like the idea of letting me be able to work freelance cos if that happens, it sort of means I'm having my way and the company is obliging and granting my wish.

Actually my supervisor was the one who showed me the email her manager sent to our CEO and Group HR backstabbing about me Frown

No problem about venting, you're welcome to vent as much as you want! I totally appreciate your feedback and sharing your experience as well! Smile

I'm a full-time mummy

Hey Catheryn,
Yeah, even if the company wants to hire me now, be it freelance, work from home or whatever also I will say no way! I know they are in desperate need of people actually hahahah... but no way!

June Freaking Cleaver

I think staying at home fulltime is the best decision for your son. I'm sure you being the only freelance employee could have caused problems for your company (other employees could become jealous, and wonder why an exception was made just for you).

Company loyalty is a rare thing now - most are concerned only with the bottom line.

I'm a full-time mummy

Hello June Freaking Cleaver!

Actually the rest of the employees are OK with it, in fact, I think some of them wanted it to happen because there are moms in the group too. But oh well, whatever happens, already happened. It's true what you said, that company loyalty is a rare thing now! Btw, thank you so much for your comment!

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