My Heart Is Tearing Apart...

~ Posted on Thursday, June 16, 2011 at 8:47 AM ~

With about 3 months more to go before I'm due to deliver Spicy Baby, I can't help but feel as if being pregnant with our 2nd child is tearing my heart apart...

* Image taken from Google search

I hope I don't come across as someone who hates being pregnant. I'm NOT! But I'm not exactly ga-ga over being pregnant either especially when the tiredness and exhaustion is making me cranky and stressed! Anyhoooo, the feeling is more towards the fear and worries on how can my heart be divided somemore to make room for the new person who is going to appear in our lives in less than 3 months time?

When I first found out I was pregnant, to be honest, I was (and still am) in a state of mourning. Not for the death of anyone (*touch wood*) but more to mourning over the soon to be lost 1 to 1 time with my 1st child.

* Me & Ben - pic taken in Sept 2010

Is this feeling much more worse for SAHMs? Is it because we are the one who's most often there with our child 24/7/365? Through the good and bad times? Through the frustrating, stressful, cheeky and happy moments?

I wondered if I am not a SAHM, would I feel better than what I'm feeling now? I mean, if I'm not a SAHM, I wouldn't have been spending most of my time and energy and strength all day long and bonded so close with one person. Maybe, just maybe, I wouldn't feel so guilty and torn apart at the thought of another person coming into our family of 3 now?

I have a friend (she's expecting her 3rd child now) who told me when her 2nd child came along, her relationship with her 1st child is not so close anymore as she felt she needed to protect and bonded closer with the 2nd child seeing that the child is just a newborn and fragile and all.

* Me, Ben and Spicy Baby (still in my bump) at our family trip recently...

I don't want to abandon Ben when Spicy Baby comes along but at the same time, I don't want to be neglecting Spicy Baby too. Hence, the feeling of my heart tearing apart...

I mean, just some personal questions to mummies with more than 1 child,

How do you feel when you found out you are pregnant with your 2nd child?

And how do you handle or deal with it?

Comments (20) -


Jenny, I totally get this post.  When I was 9 months pregnant I used to cry at night over worrying that I wouldn't have enough love to give around.  You really do - somehow your heart expands and you have even more love to give.

Sophie and I have still have the same close relationship we had before Bella arrived.  She doesn't always like to share me, but she has learned to.  My relationship with Bella is just as close!  You learn how to split your time and attention.  You can do this and have close, solid relationships with each child.  


I was very happy when I found out I was pregant with baby 2 and baby 3 but my mother warned me that I might feel sad over the loss of that one on one time. I think it really hit when our duaghter was born just how hard it is to split yourslef in two. But I could not get over just how much I could love my daughter and my youngest son. I did not think it was possible. Like most things with motherhood as you loose something you also gain something. I think it is wonderful that you are aware of your feelings but rest assured when spicy baby comes along your heart will just grow beyond your dreams! Take care!!


Hey I got a glimpse of the elusive Jenny today! Laughing

I felt the SAME. My heart was tearing apart too, like I was losing something - having an only child. I prepared my boy to love his little sis from the time my tummy was visible. I got him to 'talk' and sayang my tummy/sister. That kinda prepared myself too in thinking I'm already having 2 kids. And, my boy simply adored his little sister from day 1.

It would be good to have someone help you with Ben in the early days coz, like it or not, you'd have to spend more time with the new baby. More so if you're gonna breastfeed full time. I'm lucky I had my mom around. Any opportunity I had with my boy, I'd be sure to give him attention. I'm happy to say it all worked out fine.

You'll be good, don't worry and put your faith in the Lord.


Jenny, it is pretty normal, not because you are SAHM, me having the same feeling too! I worry will i give less attention or love to my son and concentrate on new born? will i hurt his feeling? All this while he is the only attention of our family, with new member join in will it make him not comfortable and feel the love of parents being share out, not belong to him alone anymore??

I am just eary pregnancy and a lot of uncertainty yet being confirm, i already start worry this since day 1 i know i am pregnant! I am happy but at the same time i worry..

Hope everything work well... i still got one more challenge to go through... Pray for me!


I worry that my daughter will feel displaced because I will have to spend all my time taking care of the new baby at first... My husband has a sort of opposite worry, that he will not be able to love the new baby as much as he loves our daughter.

Yankee Texan Mom

My situation was a little different.  When I married my husband, his children were 7 and 12.  A year later, we had our daughter Gwen.  One pregnancy but three children can make for some interesting emotions and lessons.  The amazing thing is that our heart makes room and I think our relationships with each child teach us more about our relationships with all of our children.  Being a mom has made me a better stepmom and maybe vice versa.  I found you through VoiceBoks and am now a follower!


I had actually never thought of that issue until you mentioned it, and my husband and I are talking about when we want to try for our second. It makes perfect sense, though. I'm sorry that I don't have any advice to offer, but I can say that I know the heart is capable of amazing things. You will be just fine, and the four of you will be as happy as ever. Take care!


okey...  I ni dah nak masuk anak ke 4 okey... so pregnant kali ni biasa jerla... walaupun berdebar tentang JANTINA...hik3..

tapi masa pregnant anak ke dua..... I memang ENJOY betul dan menikmati waktu kehamilan sbb menganung genap 40 minggu tau.... dan dpt pula bersalin secara NORMAL... kira satu bonus yg I dpt dan kenang sehingga kini...

So... bila masuk yg ke 3...mcm biasa jer... sbb dah tahu bedahkan... so tak teruja sbb dh tahu due date ceaser same as yg no 4..hahahaha

Jenny @ I'm a full-time mummy

Hey Aurie!
Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this. People keep saying somehow our hearts will expand and there's enough love to give around (and I wonder how God manages to do that?!!!) Thank you, really appreciate your feedback on this!

Hi Kathy!
Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this and God bless you!

Hey Germaine!
I was thinking should I post up that side profile pic of mine or should I not.. hmm.. in the end, argh... just post la... not to say can see whole face right? Tong
I am preparing Ben for Spicy Baby, teaching him to pay my tummy say goodnight to baby before we sleep at night and sayang him but I guess until the real baby appears, he doesn't understand the whole situation yet la.. Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this!

Hey Carmen!
Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this, will pray for you too! ;)

Hi Camille!
Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this, appreciate it, God bless you!

Hi Yankee Texan Mom!
Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this and for the follow! I've returned the favor and looking forward to seeing you back in my blog sometime! Smile

Hi Lisha!
Oh wow, hope I am not making you stressed with this issue! Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this and you take care too! ;)

Hey Sumijelly!
Wah, kenapa 3 kids kena bedah ye? Breech or too big sized or what? But glad to hear you can deliver natural for 2nd child. Thanks for sharing your thoughts ye!


I too wondered for a while how to cope with #3 and to give them equal attention.. I've feel that it's better to focus more on the older kids then the bb as frankly speaking at 1mth and under they really can't feel as much as the older siblings. I now divide my time- Morning with the eldest, Afternoon with the youngest and evenings with #2.. so each one can have personal attention and try to do more activities which can involve all the kids.


I only have my daughter right now and she's the center of my universe. I can only imagine how different it would be to have two kids BUT a close friend of mine just had her second and they're all adjusting quite nicely. You seem like such a dedicated mom, I'm sure it'll all turn out great Smile




I have two daughters and when I was pregnant with my 2nd daughter I felt all the same emotions you feel.  I was even worried that I wouldn't be able to love my 2nd child as much as I love my 1st daughter.  But I was wrong.  The first time I held baby #2 in my arms I knew my heart had grown even bigger and indeed had plenty of room for both children.  That's not to say it hasn't been a difficult transition going from one child to two, but we've gotten through it one day at a time.  My advice, for what it's worth, is to try not to worry about it.  You'll be a great mom to two children, just as you are to one.  Just make a commitment to yourself to make sure you spend quality time each day with each child.  Plus, there are things you can do with child #1 while feeding child #2.  You can color one handed, you can read a book and ask for help turning the pages, you can work on puzzles handed.  Just get creative.  It'll all work out.  Smile

Many blessings,


as mention, me too hv this feeling and i start to ask arnd. but somehow everyone is telling me.. the 1st child won't be abandon (unless u abandon him lah) it will somehow hv more love around.. instead of dividing the love .. it will be double.. i don't quite understand.. but let see how it goes. i'm sure everything won't be as complicated as it is.. Smile

cheers.. and ganbate!

Lisa Weidknecht

I'm a new follower! Come follow me too?


I didn't feel that way until after baby number two was already here. The boys are now 11 and 8. It gets easier and way better. Hang in there girl you will come though with shining colors. this is difficult but it doesn't last for ever.

Jenny @ I'm a full-time mummy

Hey Dominique!
Oh wow, when I have my 3rd child I'm going to be cracking my head again like now! Tong Thanks for sharing your feedback on this!

Hi Kim!
Thanks for sharing your feedback, glad to hear your friend is adjusting well with her 2nd child!

Hi Rosann!
Thank you very much for your thoughts and feedback on this. Appreciate the tips given on spending quality time with each child. Will definitely take note on that!
Btw, thanks for following my blog & FB, I've returned the favor, looking forward to seeing you soon!

Hey Miki!
Thanks for your feedback, ganbatte to you too! Smile

Hi Lisa!
Thanks for the follow, I've returned the favor, looking forward to seeing you back in my blog soon!

Hi RealArmyofmoms!
Thanks for sharing your experience! I hope this feeling will go away soon!


As you can see from above comments, it's perfectly normal to feel this way. I felt the same and felt guilty about it, but it's normal. Things will change a little with the new baby. Child no.1 might feel left out a little, and sometimes even regress a little. But with time..I'm sure it'll all work out fine. Smile

Jenny @ I'm a full-time mummy

Hi Martha!
Oh I hope things would change soon! Feels bad to be feeling like this for so long! Thank you for your comments! Appreciate it! Smile


I have read this over and over again in many mommy blogger's blog post so I think what you're feeling is not uncommon so you should not feel guilty about it. On my part though, I didn't feel any of these feelings, strangely, possibly because I like to have a large family and I feel that the more children  you have, the more love you can give out and the more love you will receive in return. How wonderful is that! Unfortunately, due to health and age, I am happy with my two. Don't worry so much, you will have plenty of love and you will receive lots of unconditional love from your little ones.

Jenny @ I'm a full-time mummy

Hi mumsgather!
I hope the feeling will go away soon. I come from a small family (just me and my elder brother - gap by 6 years), not sure whether there's impact from there or not. I'm not worried about having more kids (yet...) but more to how can I make more room in my heart for my kids... Tong Thanks for sharing your feedback on this!

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