I'm a full-time mummy

Welcome to the May 2012 Carnival of Natural Parenting: Parenting With or Without Extended Family

This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama. This month our participants have shared how relatives help or hinder their parenting. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.

This month's Carnival of Natural Parenting touches on the topic of parenting either with or without extended family. I am joining in the blog hop this time as I want to share my 2 cents worth of the pros and cons of parenting with extended family.

Now, a brief intro in my family: Hubby and I with our 2 kids stay with hubby's mum. Both my parents and my FIL passed away years ago and hubby is the last child in the family (the rest of his siblings have their own house and own family) so, it just seem natural that we ended up staying with his mum. I'll just list down the pros and cons of parenting with extended family for easier reading:

PROS aka The Good Part!

1. An extra helping hand!

With 2 kids, I can seriously say I do need an extra hand from time to time to help just watch over one of my kid for even a few minutes. As my 1st child is 38 months old now, I can trust leaving him on his own to play with his Lego or MegaBloks or just switched on the TV for a while so I could catch up with some paperwork (I help out on the admin side of hubby's business and there are times I need to prepare quotation, invoice, PO, accounting and even filing for tax submission) but I can't do that for my 8 months old girl yet.

So, when my MIL is around, I will chuck my daughter or my son (if my girl is asleep) and asked my MIL to take care of them for a while. And believe me, often I will get my MIL to take care of my daughter when I really really have to go to the toilet!

But then again, I can't always rely on my MIL as she has sleeping problems... she sleeps at 6-7am and wakes up at 12-1pm and there are times when she goes for her outing and I don't have extra set of helping hands. Oh well, these are the times when I will just have to let my child (especially my girl) wails while I finish up my tasks ASAP!

In summary, my MIL is a great help in the family, she cooks for our dinner meals and take cares of my kids when I really needed to (but not for long though)

2. Another point of view

Sometimes in the matter of childcare, another point of view is good so that you can see from a different perspective. You know how they always say old folks know more than you? Something like that, I guess...

CONS aka The Sucky Part!

1. Hindrance to disciplining our child

You know how often grandparents tend to spoil their grandchildren? Yeah... and somehow my kids (especially my boy) are good in knowing where and who to go to when they get into trouble. Who else but grandma! This is bad when we are trying to discipline our child and then you see my MIL rushing in to defend and protect our child.

When situations like this arise, we will tell MIL nicely and firmly to stay out of this as it is important for us to discipline him now rather than ignoring it and let the world discipline him next time when he's grown up!

2. Another point of view

Yes, I mentioned this as a good thing, but it can also be a bad thing. Old folks ESPECIALLY CHINESE tend to believe in old beliefs without roots or basis and logic. Whenever you tell them something and why you do this, they will tell you don't because people long ago do so and so. When you asked them who tell them or why mustn't we do that, they can't answer you but just tell you 'Just listen to what old folks tell you, don't be disrespectful!'

3. Bad influence

Yes, grandparents can be a bad influence to our children. Many times we caught MIL giving Ben sugary snacks and even soft drinks and it takes A LOT of repeating and arguments to get the message across to her. Sigh, and with child number 2 now, I have twice caught my MIL feeding her crackers, despite telling her not to give her those foods.

There you go...

I think it is good to have extended family around. It gives a sense of belonging to a larger scale of family root and we are also showing and displaying to our children how we should be treated when we get old one day...

So what about you? Do you parent with or without extended family?

Visit Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!

Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

• Dealing With Unsupportive Grandparents — In a guest post at Natural Parents Network, The Pistachio Project tells what to do when your child's grandparents are less than thrilled about your parenting choices.
• Parenting With Extended Family — Jenny at I'm a full-time mummy shares the pros and cons of parenting with extended family...
• Parental Support for an AP Mama — Meegs at A New Day talks about the invaluable support of her parents in her journey to be an AP mama.
• Priceless Grandparents — That Mama Gretchen reflects on her relationship with her priceless Grammy while sharing ways to help children preserve memories of their own special grandparents.
• Routines Are Meant To Be Broken — Olga at Around The Birthing Ball urges us to see Extended Family as a crucial and necessary link between what children are used to at home and the world at large.
• It Helps To Have A Village – Even A Small One — Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama discusses how she has flourished as a mother due to the support of her parents.
• The Orange Week — Erika at Cinco de Mommy lets go of some rules when her family finally visits extended family in San Diego.
• One Size Doesn't Fit All — Kellie at Our Mindful Life realizes that when it comes to family, some like it bigger and some like it smaller.
• It Takes a Family — Alicia at What's Next can't imagine raising a child without the help of her family.
• A new foray into family — As someone who never experienced close extended family, Lauren at Hobo Mama wrestles with how to raise her kids — and herself — to restart that type of community.
• My Mama Rocks! — Kat at Loving {Almost} Every Moment is one lucky Mama to have the support and presence of her own awesome Mama.
• Embracing Our Extended Family — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now shares 7 ideas for nurturing relationships with extended family members.
• Doing Things Differently — Valerie at Momma in Progress shares how parenting her children far away from extended family improved her confidence in her choices.
• Snapshots of love — Caroline at stoneageparent describes the joys of sharing her young son's life with her own parents.
• Parenting with Relies – A mixed bag — Ursula Ciller shares some of her viewpoints on the pros and cons of parenting with relatives and extended family.
• Tante and Uncles — How a great adult sibling relationship begets a great relationship with aunt and uncles from Jennifer at True Confessions of a Real Mommy.
• Tips for Traveling With Twins — Megan at the Boho Mama shares some tips for traveling with infant twins (or two or more babies!).
• Parenting passed through the generations — Shannon at Pineapples & Artichokes talks about the incredible parenting resource that is her found family, and how she hopes to continue the trend.
• My Family and My Kids — Jorje of Momma Jorje ponders whether she distrusts her family or if she is simply a control freak.
• Parenting with a Hero — Rachel at Lautaret Bohemiet reminisces about the relationship she shared with her younger brother, and how he now shares that closeness in a relationship with her son.
• Text/ended Family — Kenna of A Million Tiny Things wishes her family was around for the Easter egg hunt... until she remembers what it's actually like having her family around.
• Two Kinds of Families — Adrienne at Mommying My Way writes about how her extended family is just as valuable to her mommying as her church family.
• My 'high-needs' child and 'strangers' — With a 'high-needs' daughter, aNonyMous at Radical Ramblings has had to manage without the help of family or friends, adapting to her daughter's extreme shyness and allowing her to socialise on her own terms.
• Our Summer Tribe — Justine at The Lone Home Ranger shares a love of her family's summer reunion, her secret to getting the wisdom of the "village" even as she lives 1,000 miles away.
• My Life Boat {Well, One of Them} — What good is a life boat if you don't get it? Grandparents are a life boat MomeeeZen loves!
• Dear Children — In an open letter to her children, Laura at Pug in the Kitchen promises to support them as needed in her early days of parenting.
• Yearning for Tribal Times — Ever had one of those days where everything seems to keep going wrong? Amy at Anktangle recounts one such day and how it inspired her to think about what life must've been like when we lived together in large family units.
• I don't have a village — Jessica Claire at Crunchy-Chewy Mama wishes she had family nearby but appreciates their support and respect.
• Trouble With MILs-- Ourselves? — Jaye Anne at Wide Awake Half Asleep explains how her arguments with her mother-in-law may have something to do with herself.
• A Family Apart — Melissa at Vibrant Wanderings writes about the challenges, and the benefits, of building a family apart from relatives.
• First Do No Harm — Zoie at TouchstoneZ asks: How do you write about making different parenting choices than your own family experience without criticizing your parents?
• Military Family Separation — Amy Willa shares her feelings about being separated from extended family during her military family journey.
• Forging A Village In The Absence Of One — Luschka from Diary of a First Child writes about the importance of creating a support network, a village, when family isn't an option.
• Respecting My Sister’s Parenting Decisions — Dionna at Code Name: Mama's sister is guest posting on the many roles she has as an aunt. The most important? She is the named guardian, and she takes that role seriously.
• Multi-Generational Living: An Exercise in Love, Patience, and Co-Parenting — Boomerang Mama at The Other Baby Book shares her experience of moving back in with Mom and Dad for 7 months, and the unexpected connection that followed.
• A Heartfelt Letter to Family: Yes, We're Weird, but Please Respect Us Anyway — Sheila of A Living Family sincerely expresses ways she would appreciate her extended family’s support for her and her children, despite their “weird” parenting choices.
• The nuclear family is insane! — Terri at Child of the Nature Isle is grateful for family support, wishes her Mum lived closer, and feels an intentional community would be the ideal way to raise her children.