I'm a full-time mummy

On this exact date, around this time 2 years ago, I was in the bathroom. Getting nervous, unsure whether I'm doing the right thing... or doing it right... I've been hiding this secret from my hubby for a couple of days, and I've finally gotten the courage to do it and any minute now, I'm going to find out...

Tick * Tock * Tick * Tock * Tick * Tock *

Yeap!

TWO LINES!   IT'S POSITIVE!!

(*Btw, this photo was taken on 11th July 2008 cos I only remembered to do so the next day hahaha...)

I was excited, am not sure whether I should scream (and immediately decided not to as I'm still in the bathroom) and quickly planned how I should break the news out to hubby. As I was  thinking, I quickly cleared up all the box and instructions that came along with the pregnancy test box. I've been dreading the trip to the pharmacy from the day before to buy the pregnancy test, not because I don't want to get pregnant, heck, we've been trying for 3 months by the way. Anyway, I dread the pharmacy trip to get the pregnancy test kit because I was super duper shy and nervous. You have no idea how long I spent walking around the pharmacy, thinking which brand I should get, is it effective, is it time to use one (I mean, I was just a day late from my regular menstrual schedule), am I overreacting and is the pharmacist going to give me a weird look for buying one? In the end, I just grabbed the cheapest one and quickly pay and rushed out.

So on this date, around this time 2 years ago, I finally sneaked the pregnancy test kit into the bathroom with me, took my shower and did the test. Peed  into the container provided in the test kit, use the syringe and squirted some of the piss onto the stick and waited. And then got myself all nervous thinking, should it be the first few drops of piss or the mid stream or the last few drops? And will the food I had earlier interfered with the test results? Am I doing something stupid here?

And then the results appeared. And I forgot all my nervousness. Looking at that 2 lines, I told myself 'Oh gosh... I'm a mummy now!' I almost wanted to cradle that test stick and then I realised it had my pee on it. So anyway, after clearing up all the mess and cleaned up the test stick, I went out and waited for hubby to settle down. He was resting on the bed waiting for his turn to take his bath, so I asked him 'You want to see something?' then I showed him the stick. He was excited seeing the results cos we're officially now stepping into another level in our lives.

We're bringing a new life into the world.

(*Picture of Ben at 3 months old with me)

The rest as you all know, are history. Our dearest precious darling son is now 16 months old, he has mummy's eyes and mouth, daddy's ears and nose, and grandpa's big feet and height. Of course with my menses coming back into my life after 25 months (of bliss without one!) it also means I'm fertile again. Of course, we've been hearing family members and friends asking 'So when's the next one coming?' and I'm like not answering... sigh.... I don't know, for me, when I have the next one, Ben is going to have to stop breastfeeding soon and I don't want that. Am not going to rush into having the next one yet until Ben is a bit older, perhaps 2 years old+ or something...

This post may be a little bit too much information to be shared with you all, but it's my blog. I want to write it down.

After over two years since I started getting pregnant in June 2008, gave birth to Ben in March 2009 and now, July 2010... 9th July 2010 to be exact, I'm getting my 1st ever period after 2 years plus. I dread this day, not because of the pain or cramps or pimples or moodiness that comes along with it. Don't get me wrong, prior to being pregnant, I was regularly being very happy when I get my period. Not sure whether my hormones are normal or not but yeah, I was happy instead of being moody like most women.

And now, 2 years plus, or I think to be exact, 25 months on... I am getting my period. I am sad cos whenever I read any mother's blog post about getting period, it means they have weaned. But I have NOT weaned yet, and still it felt like that way.

I am still breastfeeding Ben since the day he was born, 16 months on now... and yes, not a speck of formula powder in the house at all since day 1. I'm not sure how long I can breastfeed on. I hope this period doesn't interfere with the breastmilk. It has always been my wish to breastfeed Ben for as long as he wants, and I don't want to be the one to stop it.

According to this website:

"Almost anything is considered normal when it comes to your periods while breastfeeding. All women experience a time of postpartum bleeding following birth which is not considered a menstrual period. If bottle-feeding, most mothers will have their first real period not long after this. Breastfeeding, however, suppresses menstruation at least for a while. For some mothers, there may be an absence of menstruation for weeks, months, and even years while still breastfeeding. Some mothers will even need to completely wean before they see their first period. Others, once their babies begin taking supplemental foods or sleeping longer periods at night, will see the first period. Once menstruation returns it may continue to be irregular during lactation. It's not uncommon to have a shorter or longer than normal period while breastfeeding. It's also not abnormal to skip a period or see the first period return and then find that months pass before the next one.

When the first period returns depends upon several factors: how frequently the baby is nursing, how often the baby is supplemented with bottles, whether or not the baby takes a pacifier, how long the baby is sleeping at night, whether or not solids have been introduced, and the mother's own individual body chemistry and the way it responds to hormonal influences associated with breastfeeding. Any time the stimulation to the breast is decreased, especially at night, menstruation is likely to return soon after.

When menstruation does return, you should consider yourself fertile and take precautions against pregnancy if desired. Some women consider their first period as their "warning period" that they are now capable of becoming pregnant. However, it IS possible to become pregnant before the first period returns, although quite rare.

The return of menstruation does not mean the end of breastfeeding. The milk does not sour or "go bad" when you are having a period. The milk is no less nutritious when you are menstruating than when you are not. Some women do notice a temporary drop in milk supply in the days just prior to a period and for a few days into one. This is due to hormonal fluctuations. Once the period begins and hormone levels begin to return to normal, the milk supply will boost back up again. Most babies can compensate well for this temporary drop in supply with more frequent nursing.

Nipple tenderness occurs for some women during ovulation, during the days before a period, or at both times. Some mothers report a feeling of antisiness while nursing at these times, too. As with the drop in supply this is also hormonally influenced and therefore temporary.

Some babies may detect a slight change in the taste of the milk just before a period, again, due to hormonal changes. These same babies may nurse less often or less enthusiastically during this time as a result."

Okay, I am comforted by these few statements:

* The return of menstruation does not mean the end of breastfeeding.

* The milk does not sour or "go bad" when you are having a period.

* The milk is no less nutritious when you are menstruating than when you are not.

Currently, Ben nursed about 2-3 times during daytime (I nursed him to sleep for his daytime naps) and about 2-3 times also at night when he sleeps (he dreamfeeds - meaning, breastfeeding while still asleep). I can count with 1 hand the number of times he uses a pacifier (we don't encourage the idea of using one anyway, just that MIL insisted to use it and failed...).

Oh, I do hope I can breastfeed as long as possible. I really really dread to think the bond is going to be broken one of this days... I love breastfeeding Ben!

Ben, mummy promise you, mummy will try her very best to breastfeed you for as long as it takes. If one day mummy has no more breastmilk for you, please know that it doesn't mean mummy loves you less. (After all mummy quits her job so that she can breastfeeds you!)

Ben turned 16 months old yesterday and based on Baby Center's milestones for 16 months old toddler, I checked it against Ben and here are my observations:

Excerpts from Baby Center post:

"Your toddler is still likely to explore her surroundings the way she has for the last few months — grabbing random objects, inspecting them closely, putting them to her mouth, banging them on the floor. But you'll also notice that she likes to challenge her physical limits. She knows she can walk, so she wants to try to carry a heavy load, like a box of blocks, while she's at it. She's confident that she can climb up onto the sofa, so she'll want to push a chair to the kitchen counter to climb higher and investigate what's up on the counter tops. If you haven't already done so, now it is essential that you childproof your home. The kitchen can be a particularly dangerous spot, so get into the habit of cooking on the back burners of the stove, turning pot handles inward and out of reach of groping hands, and locking up any dangerous cleaning products and medicines rather than leaving them out in the open."

My observation: Hey, Ben doesn't need to wait til he turns 16 months old to have all this grand ambitions. He has been climbing stuff and getting real adventurous since he started walking at 1 year old! Just take a look at the pictures below:

Scary right? This is one of the pictures in my 'caused-heart-attack-to-mummy' album of all the pictures I took of Ben. He actually stood next to the table, climb onto our bed (mattress on the floor, we took off the bed frame when Ben started to crawl long ago) then leaned over to the table, pushed himself up, using his elbows and legs, he managed to crawl up and climb onto the table. My spiderboy! And picture below was taken few days ago during our church service on Sunday where Ben actually carried the ride-on toy himself...

"Your 16-month-old is becoming more adept at using her hands and fingers. She may be able to stack two or three blocks into a tower, and will delight in immediately knocking it down. When you read books, she'll insist on turning the pages for you, and by now may be capable of turning one or two pages at a time instead of simply flipping from front to back. If you hand her a crayon, she'll know exactly what to do with it, but will probably scribble on anything that's in front of her — books, furniture, and walls included — so "coloring" is an activity that you'll probably want to monitor closely. She may even be able to insert a round block into the proper hole on a board with various shapes."

My observation: Every morning, Ben will hand carry (sometimes hug) the big bag containing 100 pieces of Mega Blocks over to our bed (Ben co-sleeps with us btw) and demanded one of us to play with him. So far, Ben can stack 1-2 blocks but then he is still at the stage of knocking things down.

And also sitting on the blocks that I built for him.

I have yet to get Ben to do coloring although he did enjoyed scrawling over the book and paper with color pencils when we were over at our friend's house few weeks ago to visit them and their daughter (about 2 months plus older than Ben).

"Your toddler is ready to learn to say "the magic words" — please and thank you — at least some of the time. You don't have to push him to say them in every instance — he's noticing when other people use them and the pleased reactions of grownups when children use them."

My observation: Oh well, Ben's vocabulary so far consists of 'papa', 'mama', 'nen-nen' (for my breastmilk), 'mam-mam' (for eating), 'ter-ter' (for water), 'tah-tah' (for dog), 'birh-birh' (for bird) and the rest are pretty much on hand signals and sign and body languages still. He does understand what we told and ask him to do. I guess it doesn't hurt to try saying and teaching him to say 'please' and 'thank you' even though he is not talking much yet.

Oh well, that's about it for now. I can't believe my little boy is 16 months old now! And did I mention that I'm still breastfeeding him?