Traumatising Playdate?

~ Posted on Wednesday, August 10, 2011 at 2:20 PM ~

Oh well, it was traumatising for me... not that the host is not gracious or we were ill treated during our short playdate visit. More like I was being traumatised by Ben's behaviour!

Let me rewind a bit and explain how we got to this playdate. Well, I've met Catheryn, a fellow SAHM and mummy blogger before and she has been inviting me to visit her and her daughter Isabelle since then. Busy-ness caught up, pregnancy, bla bla bla, and mostly, due to my shyness in socialising with people, so when she MSN-ed me few days ago for a playdate outing, I thought 'Oh well, there's only 1 more month before Spicy Baby is due, if not now, when?!'

So here we are, playdate all arranged. Hubby was to drop Ben and myself off at Catheryn's condo and pick us up when he finished his appointment some 2 hours later. I had earlier prepared Ben mentally by showing him pictures of Belle and Catheryn (from Facebook), telling him we are going to meet this mei-mei (aka little sister) and aunty in a short while and for him to behave and not cry (like how he did when I brought him along to have lunch with my ex-boss few days ago)

I should've seen the signs... look at Ben's fierce cool face!

We reached Catheryn's place few minutes after 11am and took a short tour around the pool and squash court area - for Ben to wind down a bit. It was getting hot so we decided to return back to her house. We chatted and watched our kids play. Initially Ben was shy and had both his hands to his back, not daring to touch anything in the house. I explained to Catheryn this is something I don't know where Ben picks up from.

Everything was fine and dandy at the beginning. Ben playing with Belle's ride-on car and Bell having her lunch while watching TV.

But boy oh boy, after Ben relax and let down his guard... that's when I started getting traumatised. Belle had graciously shared her toys and Ben, getting to play new toys decided to hang onto the toys longer and started getting territorial. He even started hitting Belle when she gets close to his vicinity. Poor girl!

I was so embarrassed with Ben's behaviour! Arghhhh... what am I to do? I don't even dare to think of going back to Catheryn's place for the next playdate (not that I can with Spicy Baby along)

At some point they played together like close friends, and then one second later, there goes Ben hitting and pushing Belle away, telling her to go away (and not stepped into his territory). Yikes!

Ben looking at Belle while she sat on the ride-on
And they switched roles after that...

Of course there are times when I am happy with what Ben did, like him picking up the toys and putting it back into the case where they belong, or the times he held few pieces of the oat crackers he's having for his lunch and gave to Belle (but not before pushing her away few minutes before that sigh...) and he even danced along to the bible action songs (the same ones we had) which he had not done for a while now, maybe now there is Belle dancing along that's why Ben participated as well.. and sorry to say, he influenced Belle to dance like him... yikes again... dancing in a big circle, spinning round and round... I hope Belle doesn't pick it up from Ben permanently!

All in all, it was a fun playdate (aside from me being traumatised and extremely embarrassed seeing Belle getting whacked by Ben), I'm glad Ben did not cry at seeing strangers (maybe cos I showed him their pictures on FB before leaving the house), I was a bit worried he might cling to me and not approach anyone (which he normally does during 1st encounter)

Next playdate? Not till I get over this trauma first... sigh... I hope Belle and Catheryn is OK and not traumatised like me...

** Just want to update: I was traumatised because Ben was usually quiet and timid at home and when he's with strangers (in fact, Ben was normally the one being bullied and end up clinging to me crying), so to be seeing him behaving like this was an eye opener for me. But my hubby said to take this as a lesson and not be discouraged or phobic as these are the times we should be correcting him the right way. Agree to that!

Comments (9) -

Catheryn @ PinkBibs

Eiii... correction.. This is not the first time Ben meeting me ler.  I think it is 3rd (1st in TCM - bumping into each other, 2nd in TCM with Lyn)

Pls do not feel bad.  Kids will be kids and all those territorial thingy and hitting are just normal.

I do hope you guys can come over again!  Splish splash in our pool next trip here!

Wait up for my post! Coming up soon!!

Jenny @ I'm a full-time mummy

Hey Catheryn,
Oh boy, think it'll take time for me to get over the embarrassment Tong

mom2kiddos

Haha...your little Rambo there very aggressive-ah?! No-la, I think boys will be boys, and kids will be kids. My girl and Isabelle that day also started pushing each other over the toys after a while.
Glad y'all had fun! Next time bring spicy baby along!

Rose

Don't worry so much.  Children always children, they like to own things even those things do not belong to them.  Like my 2 kids, some day they are sweet to each other, sharing and laughing along.  The next minute, they start fighting over the toys.  At least they did not go too physical lah.  

Jenny @ I'm a full-time mummy

Hey Germaine!
That's what traumatises me! Ben was quiet and timid at home, so it was an eye opener and shock to me when I see him hitting Belle Frown I had to watch him like a hawk and immediately stop him the moment I sense he gets territorial! Hubby said I must take this as a lesson and teach Ben to be a better person, don't just because he gets bullied or be the bully then I get scared and phobic and don't dare to bring Ben out to playdates anymore. He's right!

Hey Rose!
Thank you for sharing your comments. Oh boy, I hope when Spicy Baby comes along, Ben will be able to tolerate and shares!

Dominique

My kids are also like that.. sometimes they can share with each other and at other times they don't. It takes constant reminders and modelling the right behaviour for them to follow  and also lots of patience.

Jenny @ I'm a full-time mummy

Hey Dominique!
Thanks for sharing your thoughts and experience in this. I hope we'll overcome this soon!

aurie

I think Ben was being a toddler.  Now that I have 2 toddlers {eek!} it's part of learning boundaries and what is acceptable behavior.  Sophie went through a phase where she kicked, and every time she did we repeated "We do not kick Mommy.  We do not kick Daddy....etc with pretty much every person we could think of and then she had to sit for 1 minute.  She stopped pretty quickly.  

Boys are different than girls {you'll see!!} so they react differently too.

Sounds like you handled it well, and Belle's momma did to.  

Jenny @ I'm a full-time mummy

Hey Aurie!
Thanks for your encouragement and sharing your feedback. Wow, so far Ben has yet to show any kicking signs (I hope not!)

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