My Heart Is Tearing Apart...

~ Posted on Thursday, June 16, 2011 at 8:47 AM ~

With about 3 months more to go before I'm due to deliver Spicy Baby, I can't help but feel as if being pregnant with our 2nd child is tearing my heart apart...

* Image taken from Google search

I hope I don't come across as someone who hates being pregnant. I'm NOT! But I'm not exactly ga-ga over being pregnant either especially when the tiredness and exhaustion is making me cranky and stressed! Anyhoooo, the feeling is more towards the fear and worries on how can my heart be divided somemore to make room for the new person who is going to appear in our lives in less than 3 months time?

When I first found out I was pregnant, to be honest, I was (and still am) in a state of mourning. Not for the death of anyone (*touch wood*) but more to mourning over the soon to be lost 1 to 1 time with my 1st child.

* Me & Ben - pic taken in Sept 2010

Is this feeling much more worse for SAHMs? Is it because we are the one who's most often there with our child 24/7/365? Through the good and bad times? Through the frustrating, stressful, cheeky and happy moments?

I wondered if I am not a SAHM, would I feel better than what I'm feeling now? I mean, if I'm not a SAHM, I wouldn't have been spending most of my time and energy and strength all day long and bonded so close with one person. Maybe, just maybe, I wouldn't feel so guilty and torn apart at the thought of another person coming into our family of 3 now?

I have a friend (she's expecting her 3rd child now) who told me when her 2nd child came along, her relationship with her 1st child is not so close anymore as she felt she needed to protect and bonded closer with the 2nd child seeing that the child is just a newborn and fragile and all.

* Me, Ben and Spicy Baby (still in my bump) at our family trip recently...

I don't want to abandon Ben when Spicy Baby comes along but at the same time, I don't want to be neglecting Spicy Baby too. Hence, the feeling of my heart tearing apart...

I mean, just some personal questions to mummies with more than 1 child,

How do you feel when you found out you are pregnant with your 2nd child?

And how do you handle or deal with it?

I'm Still Being Hunted After 2 Years!

~ Posted on Wednesday, June 15, 2011 at 8:46 AM ~

* Image taken from Google search

I received a call from a headhunter (aka recruiter) about 10pm+ few days back, telling me he got my resume from his database. The conversation goes something like this:

HH: Ms. Jenny, according to your resume here, are you still working with this company (name not disclosed)?
Me: Err.. no... I quit that job 2 years ago.
HH: Oh, are you interested in this job offer with this IT company (name not disclosed)?

At the same time, Ben started fussing (almost his bedtime) and I decided to cut the call short.

Me: Actually, I've retired from IT line for 2 years already.
HH: Retired?!

I could imagine he got a shock of his life when he heard the word 'retired' since he's holding and looking over my resume while we were talking and he might have noticed that I'm still in my early 30s. So I clarified that I retired for now to be a full-time mummy.

HH: Ohhhh...But do you have any plans to return back to work at this moment?
Me: Umm... Not in this few years, probably when my kids are older and going to school I guess.

The call ended shortly with him thanking me for my time and wishing me the best in life and I did the same to him. Hmmm... I regretted not asking him the package offered (oh well, I could at least dream about the offer right?)

* Image taken from Google search

So yeah, it is nice and flattering to know that even after 2 years of staying off the radar in the IT line, I am still being hunted! At least I know when the time comes for me to decide to return back to the working world, I still have options! 

But like I said earlier, now is not the time yet. As for income for the family, God is good, and He still is, and I know, forever will be. Even after 2 years, we're still doing well and that proves God is watching over us and providing for our needs.

If you're a SAHM, will you want to return back to the working world? And why?