It's Positive!

~ Posted on Saturday, July 10, 2010 at 7:37 PM ~

On this exact date, around this time 2 years ago, I was in the bathroom. Getting nervous, unsure whether I'm doing the right thing... or doing it right... I've been hiding this secret from my hubby for a couple of days, and I've finally gotten the courage to do it and any minute now, I'm going to find out...

Tick * Tock * Tick * Tock * Tick * Tock *

Yeap!

TWO LINES!   IT'S POSITIVE!!

(*Btw, this photo was taken on 11th July 2008 cos I only remembered to do so the next day hahaha...)

I was excited, am not sure whether I should scream (and immediately decided not to as I'm still in the bathroom) and quickly planned how I should break the news out to hubby. As I was  thinking, I quickly cleared up all the box and instructions that came along with the pregnancy test box. I've been dreading the trip to the pharmacy from the day before to buy the pregnancy test, not because I don't want to get pregnant, heck, we've been trying for 3 months by the way. Anyway, I dread the pharmacy trip to get the pregnancy test kit because I was super duper shy and nervous. You have no idea how long I spent walking around the pharmacy, thinking which brand I should get, is it effective, is it time to use one (I mean, I was just a day late from my regular menstrual schedule), am I overreacting and is the pharmacist going to give me a weird look for buying one? In the end, I just grabbed the cheapest one and quickly pay and rushed out.

So on this date, around this time 2 years ago, I finally sneaked the pregnancy test kit into the bathroom with me, took my shower and did the test. Peed  into the container provided in the test kit, use the syringe and squirted some of the piss onto the stick and waited. And then got myself all nervous thinking, should it be the first few drops of piss or the mid stream or the last few drops? And will the food I had earlier interfered with the test results? Am I doing something stupid here?

And then the results appeared. And I forgot all my nervousness. Looking at that 2 lines, I told myself 'Oh gosh... I'm a mummy now!' I almost wanted to cradle that test stick and then I realised it had my pee on it. So anyway, after clearing up all the mess and cleaned up the test stick, I went out and waited for hubby to settle down. He was resting on the bed waiting for his turn to take his bath, so I asked him 'You want to see something?' then I showed him the stick. He was excited seeing the results cos we're officially now stepping into another level in our lives.

We're bringing a new life into the world.

(*Picture of Ben at 3 months old with me)

The rest as you all know, are history. Our dearest precious darling son is now 16 months old, he has mummy's eyes and mouth, daddy's ears and nose, and grandpa's big feet and height. Of course with my menses coming back into my life after 25 months (of bliss without one!) it also means I'm fertile again. Of course, we've been hearing family members and friends asking 'So when's the next one coming?' and I'm like not answering... sigh.... I don't know, for me, when I have the next one, Ben is going to have to stop breastfeeding soon and I don't want that. Am not going to rush into having the next one yet until Ben is a bit older, perhaps 2 years old+ or something...

After Two Years...

~ Posted on Friday, July 9, 2010 at 12:33 PM ~

This post may be a little bit too much information to be shared with you all, but it's my blog. I want to write it down.

After over two years since I started getting pregnant in June 2008, gave birth to Ben in March 2009 and now, July 2010... 9th July 2010 to be exact, I'm getting my 1st ever period after 2 years plus. I dread this day, not because of the pain or cramps or pimples or moodiness that comes along with it. Don't get me wrong, prior to being pregnant, I was regularly being very happy when I get my period. Not sure whether my hormones are normal or not but yeah, I was happy instead of being moody like most women.

And now, 2 years plus, or I think to be exact, 25 months on... I am getting my period. I am sad cos whenever I read any mother's blog post about getting period, it means they have weaned. But I have NOT weaned yet, and still it felt like that way.

I am still breastfeeding Ben since the day he was born, 16 months on now... and yes, not a speck of formula powder in the house at all since day 1. I'm not sure how long I can breastfeed on. I hope this period doesn't interfere with the breastmilk. It has always been my wish to breastfeed Ben for as long as he wants, and I don't want to be the one to stop it.

According to this website:

"Almost anything is considered normal when it comes to your periods while breastfeeding. All women experience a time of postpartum bleeding following birth which is not considered a menstrual period. If bottle-feeding, most mothers will have their first real period not long after this. Breastfeeding, however, suppresses menstruation at least for a while. For some mothers, there may be an absence of menstruation for weeks, months, and even years while still breastfeeding. Some mothers will even need to completely wean before they see their first period. Others, once their babies begin taking supplemental foods or sleeping longer periods at night, will see the first period. Once menstruation returns it may continue to be irregular during lactation. It's not uncommon to have a shorter or longer than normal period while breastfeeding. It's also not abnormal to skip a period or see the first period return and then find that months pass before the next one.

When the first period returns depends upon several factors: how frequently the baby is nursing, how often the baby is supplemented with bottles, whether or not the baby takes a pacifier, how long the baby is sleeping at night, whether or not solids have been introduced, and the mother's own individual body chemistry and the way it responds to hormonal influences associated with breastfeeding. Any time the stimulation to the breast is decreased, especially at night, menstruation is likely to return soon after.

When menstruation does return, you should consider yourself fertile and take precautions against pregnancy if desired. Some women consider their first period as their "warning period" that they are now capable of becoming pregnant. However, it IS possible to become pregnant before the first period returns, although quite rare.

The return of menstruation does not mean the end of breastfeeding. The milk does not sour or "go bad" when you are having a period. The milk is no less nutritious when you are menstruating than when you are not. Some women do notice a temporary drop in milk supply in the days just prior to a period and for a few days into one. This is due to hormonal fluctuations. Once the period begins and hormone levels begin to return to normal, the milk supply will boost back up again. Most babies can compensate well for this temporary drop in supply with more frequent nursing.

Nipple tenderness occurs for some women during ovulation, during the days before a period, or at both times. Some mothers report a feeling of antisiness while nursing at these times, too. As with the drop in supply this is also hormonally influenced and therefore temporary.

Some babies may detect a slight change in the taste of the milk just before a period, again, due to hormonal changes. These same babies may nurse less often or less enthusiastically during this time as a result."

 

Okay, I am comforted by these few statements:

* The return of menstruation does not mean the end of breastfeeding.

* The milk does not sour or "go bad" when you are having a period.

* The milk is no less nutritious when you are menstruating than when you are not.

Currently, Ben nursed about 2-3 times during daytime (I nursed him to sleep for his daytime naps) and about 2-3 times also at night when he sleeps (he dreamfeeds - meaning, breastfeeding while still asleep). I can count with 1 hand the number of times he uses a pacifier (we don't encourage the idea of using one anyway, just that MIL insisted to use it and failed...).

Oh, I do hope I can breastfeed as long as possible. I really really dread to think the bond is going to be broken one of this days... I love breastfeeding Ben!

Ben, mummy promise you, mummy will try her very best to breastfeed you for as long as it takes. If one day mummy has no more breastmilk for you, please know that it doesn't mean mummy loves you less. (After all mummy quits her job so that she can breastfeeds you!)

Learning To Comfort...

~ Posted on Thursday, July 8, 2010 at 11:21 PM ~

Here is another awesome article I found that I would like to share through my own blog meme, along with my own personal experience:

Learning To Comfort

When she heard that her best friend’s baby died, Andra didn’t know what to do. Should she call her friend right away or wait a few days? What should she say? She asked her mother, Mary Farr, a children’s hospital chaplain, for advice. “Phone her now,” her mother said. “Tell her you love her and that you’ll call back later.” Andra followed that advice, and it meant a great deal to her friend.

How should we respond when those we care about suffer a loss? 2 Corinthians 1:4 tells us that God “comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.” It’s in God’s school of comfort that we learn to better understand the needs of those who hurt.

Mary Farr writes, “We live in a fragile and imperfect world tinged by brokenness and cloaked in unanswered questions. Some things truly aren’t fair. This is hard.” She encourages people to resist the temptation to fill the silence with talk. Instead, we need to be comfortable with saying, “I don’t know,” and not try to provide easy answers. And when there’s nothing to say, just sit together.

When friends need comfort, ask “the Father of mercies” (v.3) to teach you what to say and do.  —David McCasland

The comfort God has given us
He wants us now to share
With others who are suffering
And caught in life's despair. —Sper

God comforts us to make us comforters.

 

Reading this article reminds me of the time when my mum was in the ICU, days before she passed away. Mum was still conscious then but her kidneys are failing and she's been feeling weak and having difficulty in breathing.

I would like to share about the story of this old lady (in her mid 50s) next to mum's bed who is a diabetic as well, and she has been suffering from diabetes for over 7 years. One of her leg is wounded and starting to excrete pus, and the pus which also went into her blood circulation is making her unconscious and unaware of her surroundings. When she is awake, she sometimes cannot recognise her own family members. I have seen her talking adoringly to her husband and children (1 daughter, 2 sons). I have seen her scolding the doctors and hitting the nurse. I have seen her screaming for her husband to get out of the dialysis room, threatening to stab the 6 inch needle (use for dialysis) to her own veins if he did not leave the room, while continuing to scream out profanities and saying her husband did not support her living, did not even give her 50 dollars.

I was sitting on the other side of the bed next to my mum when all this happened (very scared she will stab any of us in the room actually). This are not her own actions. It's the pus which poisons her blood and goes into her brain that made her react that way. I remembered thanking God that my mum is not sick like that. Even though her kidneys are failing, she does recognise us. I mean, can you imagine how sad it will be for your own loved ones to curse and scold you and cannot even recognise you?

Anyway, back at the ICU unit when the dialysis session was over, we found out that the old lady's condition is getting worse and the doctor recommended that her leg be amputated to stop the pus from getting worse. As I was still at the ICU ward, I couldn't help but listened to the conversation as well and I saw how sad the old lady's family members were. I prayed for God's will on my mum's conditions.

When the old lady woke up, she didn't even remember the scene at the dialysis room. I saw her reactions when her family members told her what the doctor said. I saw how she cried that her leg is going to be cut off. I saw how her family members cried with her as well. If the leg was not amputated, the pus will spread further and she will be in worse conditions. You see, just the pus around her foot is causing her to threaten to stab her own veins.. imagine if the pus spreads all over her body? Now, if the leg was amputated, there maybe side effects as well.. as a diabetic patient, we all know that any injury to the foot especially is very very dangerous and risky. It's kinda like a do will die, don't do also will die situation...

Sometime later while the surgeons are getting ready for the operation, I went to the lounge room just outside the ICU unit (2 sofas provided for family members and visitors) and saw the old lady's daughter sitting on the sofa, body slumped and looking miserable. Until today, I do not know how I can bring myself or have the courage to approach the girl and asked her whether I can pray for her and her mother.

Here I am, with a mother who is fighting for her dear life, kidneys failing, mouth coughing out blood as she tried to breathe... offering a prayer to a stranger... I have never in my life be so brave to do that. I never dared to approach a stranger, never dared to even offer any prayers, let alone tell people I am a Christian. And I'm doing all of that at that instant. The girl (around my age) said yes to my prayer request. I was very nervous as I've never done this type of thing before in my life!

(* Photo taken from Google image search)

As she bent her head low and listened, I prayed with her. I prayed for God to protect her mother and for His will to be done. I prayed that her family will be given strength and comfort in overcoming the obstacle. I prayed for the surgeons skillful hand and wisdom in making the right decisions during the operation. I prayed that if her mother should be taken away, to let it be swift and that she will be spared from any sufferings.

Needless to say, the operation was a success. Although the old lady lost her leg, she is able to recover from the operation and was transferred to a normal ward after that. I have no idea what happened to the old lady or the girl as my mum passed away few days later. I did not get to see the girl again. But I am glad I did what I think is right. I am happy to be able to offer a bit of comfort to the girl, even though I desperately needed to be comforted as well... I do wish her and her mother well and I thank God for the courage He gave me to be able to pray and comfort a stranger despite my own situation.

* Please hover mouse and read more on: John 14:1, 2 Corinthians 1:5